(SATIRE) – MAN TAKES MULTIPLE SEATS AT REGIONAL HOSPITAL LEAVING NO SPACE FOR SICK KIDS, MONOPOLIZING ONLY POWER OUTLET. DISGUSTING!
Mayor Bill Mauro and NAN Grand Chief Alvin Fiddler have not made any comments about this disgusting behaviour as of yet! Police Chief Sylvie Hauth also remains silent on the issue.
The hospital is remaining tight-lipped on the situation, but our sources indicate that the man’s cell phone was only mostly charged when he finally stopped his ruthless machete-assault on the kids play area. Locals don’t feel safe any longer. The man is clearly using one chair per butt cheek, disgusting!
Reports are saying that Antifa have put aside their issues with the Alt-Right and are both coming to kick this dude in the junk.
The man’s immigration status is currently being checked into by the border police and Justin Trudeau has apparently got his cheque book ready to pay this man for any suffering he may have incurred.
Word on the street is that the man’s potentially communicable diseases were communicated all over the children’s play area. Sources tell us that a team in hazmat suits had to clean the area shortly after. The Thunder Bay District Health Unit is expected to make a media release any minute regarding this incident.
A small town lawyer was seen in the area canvassing the general public and offering free services to anyone who felt impacted by this man’s actions, and wanting to sue him.
We will be continuously updating this article as more information becomes available.
Anyone who can identify this man is urged to stop what they are doing and contact hospital security and turn him in. (THIS ARTICLE IS SATIRE)
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